Tapestry

There it was in the mailbox just like it is every year.  Wrapped in the familiar brown paper, I didn’t have to wonder who it was from.  I opened it carefully, eagerly, wondering what truth the gift would point to this year.  She could never have known how appropriate her choice was.  Tapestry.  That was the name given to this little gold etched figure that would join the collection accumulated as the days and months have marched on to equal 14 years of time passed. All those little figures pointing to various evidences of God’s faithfulness and activity in our lives. Tapestry. If she only knew how many times in sharing our story that I had used that very word. 

Each event, everything that happens in the story of our lives is all part of a much larger story.  It is as if each person’s life and all the events that make up their lives are just bits of thread woven into a grand tapestry of all creation that has been woven since before time began and will continue until Christ returns. One of the most profound lessons the Lord has been teaching me through the death of my son is that what happens to me, isn’t about me.  Everything that happens is about something bigger and in the end, all for the glory of God.  It’s all part of a much grander tapestry than what I see. 

It can be easy to look at the tragedies, hardships, and struggles in our lives and wonder what beauty God could possibly weave from all of this but that would be like trying to look at a giant tapestry through a microscope and not understanding the picture woven into it.  Every thread matters and creates beauty when combined with all the others.  

I have very traumatic memories that I will have to live with until the day I meet Jesus face to face.  Last night as some of those memories began to flood my mind and I felt emotion welling, I went for a run. Hitting the road alone has long been therapy to me. As I ran down the road, I let my mind travel a little down the road of memories.  I turned on some music that spoke directly to the difficulty of it all.  It frustrates me sometimes how many holes there are in my memories of that entire year surrounding our accident, but it also frustrates me what memories don’t leave that I would rather not have.  

As I was thinking on the events of the 4th of July, 2004, the word tapestry kept rolling around in my mind.  I kept pounding down the road but I changed my music to praise music. Each event of that night and the days surrounding it had meaning and purpose.  Not a single thing was haphazard or a surprise to God.  They were all threads in not only the tapestry of my life, but also the tapestry of all creation. I found that with that in mind, as I remembered the various events and trauma of that fateful evening, there was a little less horror, and a lot more perspective and evidence of how faithful God was and continues to be.  There was more of a grasp of how He has worked for my good and the good of my family, for the benefit of others, and for His glory.  With the praise music turned up, I found my heart able to sincerely praise the Lord not in-spite of the tragedy, but because of it.  It is as though as the years go on, He reveals just a tiny bit more of the tapestry and the beauty stuns me.  

The only thing more beautiful than God Himself, is the evidence of God at work that reveals more of who He is. 

I know that I will never get to see all that God is weaving until I’ve taken my last breath here on earth.  However, I am grateful for His grace that shows me little bits of how the tiny threads of my life are part of showing His glory to a hurting world. 

A friend told me that it was so neat that I could now take that little figure with the gold so carefully placed along its designs and talk with my kids about the tapestry of life and what God has taught me.  That is exactly what I am going to do.  Lord, may they grasp even now at their young ages, that life isn’t about them, that it isn’t ultimately about what happens to them, it is about You and Your glory.  May they understand that they have an opportunity to be a part of the beautiful work of art You are creating. 

We don’t understand all of what God is doing now especially in pain, but one day we will have a picture before us that is more magnificent than we can ever imagine. I am thankful for a God who weaves with sovereignty and care and that though we see dimly now, one day we will see fully. 

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”

1 Corinthians 13:12 

Until I see Him, and though I will continue to experience grief and shed more tears, I am going to continue learning to trust the Weaver with confidence in his ability to create the beautiful no matter how the threads look to me.