Genuine Love Takes the Long Road

I hit send and didn’t give it another thought. I was airing my thoughts on the fly and hadn’t given much thought to that either. However, the recipient didn’t end up being the person I intended, but rather the person about whom I was airing my thoughts. Hours later I checked my phone and realized the mistake I had made as there was an apologizing, sad text response. I wanted to crawl into a hole. I was immediately overwhelmed with remorse. That person had endured so incredibly much hardship and heartache and I had just added significantly to that pain. It has taken years and other people I know walking difficult journeys before it all came together in my mind. I had not been a safe person. I was not willing to weep with those who weep and walk the long road of trial with them. I stumbled after the first mile - and I was wrong. 

God has used that humbling moment in my life to teach many painful lessons. Perhaps the biggest, is that we need to be safe people and a people ready to stay the course with the hurting, no matter how long and winding the road. We are soft in America.  We want quick fixes, easy answers, comfortable living, and instant gratification. None of those fit with strapping on your pack and setting down the road of grief and pain with another. It’s a choice to daily put your heart on the line, to sacrifice ease, to put others before yourself, to choose heartache, to listen long and without judgment, to admit your own faults, and to love big with word and action. Slowly the Lord is growing my understanding of this kind of love - because that’s what walking with the hurting for the long haul really is, true Christ-like love. 

Sometimes we are quick to show up when tragedy, like death, strikes. We bring the food, pass out hugs, send cards, attend the funeral. And I know, because I’ve been there. Once that funeral is done, as the helpers we often feel a sense of relief. We did what we needed to do, and we are ready to move on in life.  We walked the road, but only the first half mile. The grieved are left in pieces that no one sees anymore. Their life doesn’t get to just return to normal. There is no such thing anymore. Where are the safe people who won’t judge for how long their grief lasts, or how they grieve, or what they say? Sometimes people step up and do this so well and it is beautiful. This is what I failed at miserably. I should have known better because I was once the person needing those safe, in it for the long journey friends. 

 There are other kinds of funerals and deaths where people don’t really die and there is no actual funeral but the grief, hardship, and loss are just as severe (sometimes worse).  A certain point is reached and everyone is a little relieved.  They walked long enough (if they even walked at all) in the hard, and are ready to move on and the grieved are left in pieces that no one sees. There isn’t a safe person who won’t judge how long their grief lasts, or how they grieve, or what words they say. I think safe, long journey friends are even harder to find in trials like these. Why do we avoid the uncomfortable road so much that we are willing to let another get lost trying to find their way home to a new normal?

Friends, if we are going to be the Church, we have to start learning to truly love. We have to throw our quick judgments out.  We have to stop thinking we have all the answers. We have to quit thinking we need to know full stories and determine right and wrong to decide whether we should show up and walk the hard road with someone. We need to choose our words carefully and have grace for the words of others.  We need to slip on the worn shoes of the hurting and try stumbling along their road a little so we can recognize how hard it must be.  We need to do what Romans 12 tells us:

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”

This is a message I need as much as the next person. The story above hasn’t been my only face-plant in the mud on the road of trials with others. What if we woke up tomorrow and decided:

- Our love is going to be genuine. We are in it to love people no matter their story. 

- When we hear of evil, we will hate it and not allow others to have to face evil alone. 

- We will love people like our own family, being unwilling to let them suffer alone, or have no ear to listen to them, or have no one show up to help with all the messes and projects family should help with. 

- We will outdo one another in showing honor rather than being worried about what anyone thinks of us or if we are getting the desired praise. 

- We will not be slothful, but fervently looking for ways to serve the Lord by serving people with whatever skill sets and resources the Lord has given us. 

- We will come alongside the hurting and rejoice in the hope we have in Christ and will be patient with not just our own tribulation but theirs. We will live long suffering that says I don’t need this to be over in a month, or a year, or five years - I’m in it with you because I have genuine love for you. 

- This is a big one for me that I need to grow so much in but what if we spent all those extra minutes we have waiting in life by being constant in prayer for others. Sometime I allow myself to be overwhelmed by the length of the list and needs to pray for that I don’t pray instead of just jumping in! 

- We will start contributing to the needs of the Saints and showing hospitality. We will invite over the people with hard stories that we don’t understand, and when we hear about needs around us, give with no thought to what we get back, how it looks, or what it will cost us. 

- We will start blessing even those who are awful to us,  knowing they have souls too that need hope and need Jesus.  Sometimes the greatest blessing may be to kindly speak the truth to them. 

- And when we see someone rejoicing we will throw up our hands, and kick off our shoes, and sing and dance the praises with them even if our life is in the dumps.  Or,  truly break down and weep out of sorrow that another is hurting - whether we understand anything about their sorrow or not. 

- We will stop thinking we have it all figured out, but listen long, learn much, and seek the face of the Lord in everything with every situation and person who God puts in front of us that is sorrowing or facing trials. 

Then my friends, we would be the Church God called us to be. 

I thought for many weeks about how to communicate this and in one light bulb, humbling moment the Lord told me clearly, you communicate it with humility showing you have done this all wrong. Tell the story. So I’ve shared it with you now. Don’t go add to the crushing weight of a sufferer by being a fair weather follower of Jesus. And you know what? Every person won’t need the same kind of love shown.  Not everyone needs an ear to pour their heart out to because maybe they have found safe people for that but they need someone to show up and fix a plumbing issue and you happen to specialize in that.  Not everyone will need you to show up at their house or on the phone daily, but they need someone to say, “I’m picking up your groceries this week for you.  I’m making supper for you.  I’m coming to do yard work for you.” Or even better yet, “What is it that you need that I can do?”  Then DO IT or find the person who can. Every sufferer needs people earnestly praying and letting them know they are. Every sufferer needs people who don’t have all the answers and have it all figured out but are willing to listen and learn.  Every sufferer needs people who are humble, and kind, and steadfast, and willing to pick up their pack and maybe the suffer’s too (on especially hard days) and join them, not for a sprint, but for the marathon journey that trials can be. One foot in front of the other - walking the road of a true Saint. 

“And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Ephesians 5:2