Learning from the Hard

 She asked the question innocently, unknowingly. 

“Do you have a graduate again this year? Or do you have a year off?”

The irony of that question coming as I stood in the very town that altered the answer to that question was not lost on me. I paused with about ten answers running through my head and then simply said,

“No, we have a year off.  It’s every other year from here on out.”

She couldn’t have known that I’ve spent months pondering that even as we wrapped up  up one senior, we should have been preparing for another. She didn’t know that all summer I’ve thought about the senior pictures that aren’t about to happen, the senior year that isn’t about to start, about how there isn’t another Jesus loving boy turned man to send into the world next year because he is already face to face with Jesus. Her question was so simple and ordinary but launched a cascade of thoughts , memories, sorrows, and reminders to be grateful and how to love others. 

Two weeks earlier marked the 17th anniversary of the loss of our would be senior. Ahead of us is a year full of reminders of what may have been. We will face them, ponder them, grieve them, sometimes smile about them, and sometimes probably cry about them. We don’t get to escape grief in this life.  It seems to be a companion to all living people at some point in time.  However, because we know Jesus, we do not grieve without hope and the story doesn’t end in loss. 

In the mean time that whole experience had me thinking about how we just don’t know what is under the surface in anyone’s life.  It reminded me of four things to do as I encounter people:

1. Ask the questions about the hard things no one wants to have to bring up, about the sadness you notice, about the journey others are on. People generally want to be asked. 

2. Listen. Truly listen. 

3. Be quick and generous with grace. 

4. Pray and pray in the moment with others. The Lord has really challenged me on this one lately, and I’ve had the opportunity a couple times on the phone to be obedient and follow that prompting to pray. 

The senior year will still happen this year, just without our boy.  We will be okay. We’ve done the agonizing, breath-taking, can’t scrape yourself off the floor grieving years ago.  Now we feel the pain but not so sharp anymore.  I find it is often a reminder now to show compassion. I was grateful for the question that brought the twinge of grief, and even reminded me of all the other griefs and struggles my heart is wrestling with right now because in the pain I am reminded to slow down and see the pain of others and show up for it. 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:3-4‬ ‭