Devastation and Praise Travel the Same Road

 I drove into utter devastation a week ago. It took me down a literal road that I traveled in devastation many years ago.  While driving along in silence, staring into the dark, all I wanted to do was puke, scream, throw things, and yell about the awful darkness of this world. It all felt too horrific. I didn’t want the searing pain and marathon road that I knew was ahead for my friends. I’ve lived long enough and through enough brokenness to know there are rarely answers to, “Why, Lord?!” Yet, I found myself saying it, asking it, pleading against it.

“Not this, Lord! Not for them. I don’t want to see anyone else I care about have to walk this awful road. Why?”

Nearly 20 years ago, in the dark of the seat of a car through late night hours I mentally battled out similar thoughts with the Lord regarding my own tragedy and loss. He met me then; He met me now. 

“I had you. I have them. I’m with them on this road.”

And so He is. I know that with every fiber of my being. Yet, I push against it and want any other way all at the same time! Not this. Not them. Not anyone. It’s too hard. It’s too awful. I trust Him.  I know He’s good! I know He loves them and will never let them walk alone. Yet, my heart feels like it’s going to tear in two with the weight of what I know they must bear. 

 I’m traveling toward the devastation, and I turn on praise music. In that moment, I feel that love for my God deep within me. I feel the praise overwhelm my grief stricken spirit. I feel a deep confidence I learned to have in Him on a dark highway, late at night, long ago, and down many roads since. I know in whom I have believed, and I can’t help but praise! 

Within my being, as the tears fell, there were these two strong feelings simultaneously at work - praise and devastation. They can coexist. Believing God to be all that the Word says He is and who I’ve personally seen Him to be, does not cease because I feel the devastation and anger of loss and the darkness of this world.  God can handle all of that. I am confident God feels that same anger over death - even more so! This is not what He created us for! His Word gives us examples of those who honestly wrestle with grief, the darkness, the loneliness, the horrors of this world and then turn their hearts toward praise. 

David did.  

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.” Psalm 22:1-5

“Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? The Lord is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.”
Psalm 10:1, 16-18

“My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation”
Psalm 42:3, 5

Jesus did. 

I happened to listen to a Tim Keller sermon this week that illustrated this very thing. He talked about the example of Jesus with Lazarus and how Jesus felt anger and sorrow at his death. 

“When Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, He was angry in His spirit and deeply moved. “Where have you put him? ” He asked. “Lord,” they told Him, “come and see.” Jesus wept.”

John 11:33-35

If Jesus can feel anger and sorrow at loss, how much more so should we feel it when we don’t totally understand all God is doing? The passage goes on to mention Jesus being angry again, and then it shows Him turning to the Lord in prayer and thanking Him for hearing His prayer. He expresses the emotions. He also turns and acknowledges the goodness of God. 

Trusting God does not equal being emotionless or always putting on a happy face. Sometimes we wrestle through the dark with hard emotions, then we turn our faces to the Light, and we praise the One we know is in control of it all.  The wrestling and the praising can happen within us all at the same time, and THAT is how we hold onto hope when we look complete deviation in the face. Tim Keller says it like this, “Mix hope into your grief so your grief doesn’t go bad.” 

The road of devastation may look and even be long and dark. It’s okay to acknowledge that and wrestle with that. The One who defeated death and will redeem all wrongs makes sure we never travel that road alone when we have a relationship with Christ. As we turn to Him, no matter how angry or grief stricken, we mix hope into our grief. That’s what I did nearly 20 years ago.  That’s what I’ve done many times since. That’s what I did last week. 

Acknowledge the devastation.  Turn in praise. Mix hope into your grief. The road is not longer than the Lord’s faithfulness.